infinity blade 

Thin sharply finished thing

I’m so enveloped by the feelings of azure hatred

The free afterglow of hazy pure powers that flow through me

She had a quick hand, a fast mind, almost took me to that old dark place in which she will now reside

Excavation of my minds memories 

Bottle and a stick, fat hated tower 

I’m darker than I thought 

Red, red, while the ground darkens with the red I have but thoughts of myself 

Ovipositor

– This is a poem about dysphoria I felt in high school and how it returns to me sometimes,
even post transition. It’s about my past, present and my future. Its one of the poems I have tried to get into a poetry journal without success. I search for feedback on how to make thing better.

0. Ovipositor

It’s like a ovipositor

It’s not one thing or the over

It looks like them

The ones who have made me cry, alienated me from myself

1. Wasp

I’m like a wasp

All the hive is buzzing

All of them busy grey things in this nest

I’m trying to be like them

Trying

I’m doing the same things

I’m wearing the same full body grey suit

I’m helping with this grey mass we build

Mud, it’s so perfect a metaphor for my life

I’m like the sunshine on this mud

Heating it, hating it, making it solid

Into more hive

Strife, in a hive is dealt with quickly

I’m not sure why I wasn’t

They did that thing, the attack

The strike

The clipping

I’m not sure I can fly anymore

But they didn’t kill me

Like all the others

Ovipositor

I’m sure of it

2. Hive

On this day

This hateful day

Our grey bodies

Ready to go outside

I’m stuck in hear, in my mind at least

Leave the hive, but not really

I’m still grey

3. Cave

It’s dark

Cliff above us to the outside

One of them

Those others that pretend that I’m one of them

They drop a knife

It falls millimeters from my head

Anyone else see it?

That I was nearly dead?

Nope

I’m told to take the knife back

All the way up the cliffs

Carry the weapons of my enemies

I’m broken inside

I’m dead inside

I’m never going to escape the grey

4. Hyena

I’m in the library?

Not a wasp right now

I’m a reader

Reading about a hyena

Vagina that’s like mine

I’m a hyena?

I’m not, but I am

My piece, my bit feels like that

On the outside it looks like

On the inside

In my mind

It’s not

5. Escape

I’m out of the hive

Not in grey

I’m out

I’m me

I’m no longer pretending

But how long?

How long was it before?

I was outside

Still in their grasp

Like a dog?
6. Dog

I’m trained

I’m trying to be them

I’m pretending

I’m also trained

Like me, barking, sniffing, digging, pissing

But secret, shhhh I’m not. I just pretend

I’m not a good barker

7. Ovipositor (2)

I’m not pretending anymore

I still have my ovipositor

But I’m me

In many ways

One day, one day I can

Be all me

All I want to be

For now?

I’m as me as I can be

Ask me and I will say so

Bittersweet amplitudes

Banana peels on the seat next to me

Feelings of bitterness from a few angry old fashioned  men

Grumpy cats in suits, waiting for fish for their own horrible catch

Sucking on a cough lollipop 

Coffee smelling jackets, sweet feelings of silken cloth on my legs

Little bit more of a sudden drop in the way things move around 

The facilities of a rose

Do not forget the power of a rose

It’s wise words to those who know

The rose comes with not thorn, but prickles that I can assure you do not tickle

Should you come across a wild thickit; I advise that it’s not a place where in to play cricket 

The sunny maze I’d welcome in flower, from now till the dying hours

Piece of the rose, it’s wise words to those who know 

Vintage Halo Clamp

A dog barking from the smell of the luxurious vomit

Wind blowing southerly, its the cool change you have waited all summer for

Clamping your feelings in your mind to keep the monsters within from eating your hopes and dreams

A red model plane sits waiting to find people to play with it

Buzzards flying in circles like patient monks

Gravel on the ground wishing on the boulders they came from

Twitching the smells and sights of a hopeful maze

The brave fear the grave, they fight all the day to keep away from it

Vintage buggy code, sleeps in your browser

Spotty fish, plummeting from the storm clouds above