– This is a poem about dysphoria I felt in high school and how it returns to me sometimes,
even post transition. It’s about my past, present and my future. Its one of the poems I have tried to get into a poetry journal without success. I search for feedback on how to make thing better.
0. Ovipositor
It’s like a ovipositor
It’s not one thing or the over
It looks like them
The ones who have made me cry, alienated me from myself
1. Wasp
I’m like a wasp
All the hive is buzzing
All of them busy grey things in this nest
I’m trying to be like them
Trying
I’m doing the same things
I’m wearing the same full body grey suit
I’m helping with this grey mass we build
Mud, it’s so perfect a metaphor for my life
I’m like the sunshine on this mud
Heating it, hating it, making it solid
Into more hive
Strife, in a hive is dealt with quickly
I’m not sure why I wasn’t
They did that thing, the attack
The strike
The clipping
I’m not sure I can fly anymore
But they didn’t kill me
Like all the others
Ovipositor
I’m sure of it
2. Hive
On this day
This hateful day
Our grey bodies
Ready to go outside
I’m stuck in hear, in my mind at least
Leave the hive, but not really
I’m still grey
3. Cave
It’s dark
Cliff above us to the outside
One of them
Those others that pretend that I’m one of them
They drop a knife
It falls millimeters from my head
Anyone else see it?
That I was nearly dead?
Nope
I’m told to take the knife back
All the way up the cliffs
Carry the weapons of my enemies
I’m broken inside
I’m dead inside
I’m never going to escape the grey
4. Hyena
I’m in the library?
Not a wasp right now
I’m a reader
Reading about a hyena
Vagina that’s like mine
I’m a hyena?
I’m not, but I am
My piece, my bit feels like that
On the outside it looks like
On the inside
In my mind
It’s not
5. Escape
I’m out of the hive
Not in grey
I’m out
I’m me
I’m no longer pretending
But how long?
How long was it before?
I was outside
Still in their grasp
Like a dog?
6. Dog
I’m trained
I’m trying to be them
I’m pretending
I’m also trained
Like me, barking, sniffing, digging, pissing
But secret, shhhh I’m not. I just pretend
I’m not a good barker
7. Ovipositor (2)
I’m not pretending anymore
I still have my ovipositor
But I’m me
In many ways
One day, one day I can
Be all me
All I want to be
For now?
I’m as me as I can be
Ask me and I will say so
Your poem is soo well written so many can empathize with you!
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